Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
ttyl tear gas
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
