Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We left the knife in your bed.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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