At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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