when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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