Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
People in love make me want to vomit
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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