she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
