He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
