Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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