My friends, they love my intelligence
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
