Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
