i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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