Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
