oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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