we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
