just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize