it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
