just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
