Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
