Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
God, you're like boner-b-gone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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