I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
