drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
