I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
