So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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