Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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