There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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