I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
