just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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