When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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