? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
