guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
