Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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