I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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