the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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