Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize