somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
