atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
