ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
