I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
