btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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