K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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