I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Houston, we have a squirter
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
