Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize