hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
