You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize