Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
