There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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