i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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