Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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