Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
