I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
