I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
