she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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