I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
