i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
