Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
