dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
