hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
