you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
