how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
