You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
