Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
