Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
