Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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