Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
