I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
