so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
