i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
