so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
