so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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