Heybabeimwearingurpanties
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
