We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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